Period Watch

The last time it happened to me was New Years Day. What, you say? Rude awakening? Happy tears? Nope, just my period. The time before that was last summer; I don’t fully recall exactly when. Point is, they are far and few between. This means what? Am I finally and officially in menopause, or still just peri? Does it even matter? I cycle through almost hourly hot flashes and nightly night sweats… then nothing, then back again. The only constant is the adult acne, which is worse than the teenage variety.  We even have our own cute little mini section amidst the Clearasil! — a somewhat comforting reminder that others are having the same woes as me. I just wish someone would tell me how to use that nighttime wrinkle cream for “advanced” skin. Does the zit cream go over, or under? (I mean seriously, I really need to know!)

I go on period watch when my breakouts get especially bad. Wait… did I just eat chocolate followed by potato chips, crylaughscream? How far apart were the symptoms, ma’am? Ma’am? Hellooo? Are you sleeping? “No, I’m just resting my eyes.”

So do I miss it? My little friend, my Aunt Flo? No effing way! But I do miss knowing what’s coming next. I had a 28-day, Swiss watch kinda thing going on, and now? My body is one big gamblers nightmare with really bad odds.

Now I think New Years might have been my last. If it was, did I give it a fond farewell? Goodbye tampons, it seems like only yesterday we met and became super close! You helped me through many a gym class and birthday swim party. Arrividerci, overnight maxis with wings: together we soared! So long, Midol and Pamprin: you were there when the going got rough. 2good 2b 4gotten!