Fix Your Flaw, Fix Your Life?

I can’t believe it’s really fixed. That thing that has bugged me about my appearance almost my entire life is gone, changed forever. I was routinely teased and humiliated in grade school, where kids in those days would pick the slightest difference or imperfection and make up nicknames for you that lasted until you moved or graduated. In later years, I continued to be self-conscious about it, always fixing photos either by not being in them, or concealing “it” in some way, until my expert Photoshop skills began removing all traces of my embarrassment (at least in the virtual world).

Recently I was given the opportunity to cosmetically alter myself with the genius and generous wand of a fairy goddoctor, and now…taa-daah! Except no one has noticed; I mean no one! Not my family or friends. So what the hell? (I am of course compelled to over-analyze this). Was the problem not as big as I had always felt it was? People don’t want to remark on a cosmetic change for fear of embarrassment to you or them? My worst fear is too little too late. Now it’s no more than lipstick on a pig. I started to worry I might look even worse, because the rest of me seems so haggard now in comparison.

I know it comes down to self esteem, and I’m embarrassed that I don’t seem to have enough of it. I’m working on it, just not there yet, even at 46. If this procedure hasn’t done it, I really don’t know what will be the thing to tip my emotional scales.

I do know that total strangers seem nicer, people smile at me more. So maybe the change is more subtle, and I will start to feel better about my appearance slowly but surely.