Sleep Like A Biddy

Sleeping like a baby. Yeah, right! Who wants to sleep like a baby? Bedtime at 5pm, then up every two hours to eat, burp, or poop?! Not me! But like a wrong turn down a windy road with no easy way to turn around, middle age has brought me places I never thought I’d get  to, including sleepless nights. Between the hot flashes, night sweats, and hair trigger bladder, I seem to wake up every two hours — like a baby! I also find it really hard to fall asleep. This is actually the worst part for me because I used to be such a great sleeper. (Head + Pillow = Sleep.)

Now I find myself dreading bedtime. I wait until I’m half asleep on the couch or in front of my computer before I make my move, thinking perhaps I can sneak up on it… lights off, still sleepy… take off make-up, still sleepy… brush teeth, still sleepy. Oh so close… almost there… just a few feet to the bed…. nope. The minute I crawl in, I’m wide awake.

I can make all sorts of preparations: chamomile tea, sleepy time tea, fall the fuck to sleep tea, but none of it works. I’ve tried night light, total darkness, white noise, total silence. None of it matters; I’m still staring at the ceiling.

The irony is, of course, that I seem to be able to fall asleep any other time of the day. I can even fall asleep standing up. I can sleep on airplanes, buses, cars, during important meetings, while reading or watching TV, while listening to a lecture, on a date, at a concert. You name it, I’ve slept through it.

So where does this sad tale end? I wish I knew, because it’s 2:30am and I’m sitting at my computer writing this.