Sunny Acres

Talking to yet another friend about the hunt for accommodations for her aging parent(s), I started to think about what we Gen Xers would be looking for in an old folks’ home. I’ve visited enough of these places to know the residents are never doing anything that seems interesting to me. So what if I designed my own place? Sunny Acres, here I come!

First off, there would need to be way better music. So in addition to satellite radio and Pandora subscriptions, there could be live music once a month. All those ’80s and ’90s touring bands that are playing the Orange County Fair can add Sunny Acres to their list of top venues! “Ladies and gentleman!” the announcer would say, “put down your Blackberries, turn up your hearing aids, and get ready to rock!” There would also be an exclusive backstage and after-hours club for those of us that can stay up past nine, and just feel like getting together and chillin’.

No need to hide your drugs, the nurse is going to give you what you need as part of your insurance plan, and she’s a pretty kick-ass tattoo artist, too! For food, there would be vegetarian/vegan and gluten-free menu items. And for those of us still able to properly chew and digest, there would be a smattering of daily food trucks.

The field trips would be much better, too. Take the medi-van to the mall or bingo if you want, but Sunny Acres would include an all-access pass (badge and lanyard included) to a festival of your choice, including premier lodging, parking, motorized scooters, and a private nurse to take care of all your needs and listen to you complain about how it used to be so much better “back in the day.”