Moving Forward And Up To Saturn?

As I pick my way though the dating site profiles of available single men in Los Angeles, I am struck by the number of men that are looking for women who are either “laid back” or “down to earth.” The more I think about it, the more I hate those men, and their stupid platitudes! I would never describe myself in this way, and I might even take offense. Why? Well I like to think of myself as obstreperous, verbose, and loquacious, and also quite cosmopolitan and discerning. But laid back I am not.

A laid back person takes long walks on the beach and fails to wash the sand off before entering her date’s car. A down to earth gal does not critique your outfits, and is cool with deck shorts and a T-shirt for a first date. Not me, baby! This is a sampling of my dating profile: “I enjoy making art, raising my children, listening to music, walking around the Rose Bowl, getting my master’s degree in Library & Information Science, and watching cartoons. I’m really good at painting, making people laugh, taking surveys, filling out questionnaires, trying out for game shows.” Pretty good, but see! No sunsets, walks on the beach, zip lining in Costa Rica, sipping drinks, just chillin’ with my friends, or playing golf.

Is there no one else in LA who gets this? I’m thinking no, because not a soul has responded to my profile yet. Perhaps I need to include something about how “chilled out” I am or “ready for anything.” But really I’m not, so I think I’ll hold out a little longer waiting for a handsome, tall, man who knows how to dress himself and can get sarcastic every now and again.

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